16 January 2010

Health foods

I normally break round about midnight for about 45 minutes or so, sit down and watch part of a movie on our excellent SBS, and have a few nibblers. Nothing much you understand, just a large packet of Red Rock crisps, a Mars Bar and perhaps some Marie biscuits before having half a bar of Rum and Raisin just before I finally retire for the night. I would hate you to think I gulp all this down at once - that would be unhealthy - so let me make it clear that I do spread them out by having a few cigarettes in between.

Off I went to my local supermarket and looked for the health food section. I was in unchartered territory so I asked a nice young assistant for help. I was half expecting her to say, 'Why would a man of your healthy complexion and physique want the health food section?" Instead I received directions and a smile that seemed to say, 'Bit late for that love if you don't me saying so".

I arrived at the aisle and began to browse a wide range of snacks and nibblers, nearly all of which seemed to proudly boast the word "organic". It was almost as bad as looking for eggs with their mind boggling eco-this, organic-that, bio-dynamic, cage-free, and vegetarian range. I just want an egg that tastes, looks and tastes like an egg.

Back to the nibblers.

My eyes fell upon a large, cheerful looking bag with one of those authorative looking seals. This one boasted "Healthy School Canteen Strategy Approved". Well - what more could you want. Even Jamie Oliver would be impressed.

I looked at the bag and saw that it contained ten packets of cheese flavored rice sticks. The list of what it didn't contain was quite impressive, although they did neglect to mention that the cheese flavored rice sticks contain no trace of any taste whatsoever - as I was to discover later that night.

I have to say I am disappointed. Not because they lacked taste, I don't expect anything that is sold on the basis of being good for you to be either enjoyable or cheap. I am disappointed because what attracted me was the list of health benefits they proudly boast. I ate all ten packets and don't feel any healthier than I did before!

No wonder the kids around here look healthy. Their mums' pack them off with healthy nibblers with no taste, then come lunch time they run as fast as they can to the nearest supermarket to get proper snacks!

Wherever you may be - be safe

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