11 February 2010

Diolbat Tonight

Good evening and welcome to Diolbat Tonight, the program that brings you the views and opinions of the movers and shakers that make the small, community minded town of Diolbat, the town it is.

Lately we have had a run of high winds, heavy rain and overwhelming humidity. I would swear blind that the last time this happened was when Noah looked out the window and said, "Ay up Gladys, looks like we're in for a spot of rain."

Many people have blamed it on Global Warming, others on Global Cooling. Then there are those who blame the U.S. Navy, and a small but vocal group who blame the French in the mistaken belief that they are safe as none of them can speak English. Then there are the members of the bowls club who say it is all the fault of the government they supported and voted in at the last election

Diolbat Tonight, decided to invite Councilor Bob "G'day Mate" Smallman from the local council to give his opinion on this unusual weather pattern.

"Welcome to the show Bob, like all of us you have been affected by the run of wet weather - what do you think is causing the rain, flash floods and damage caused by numerous lightning strikes?"

"G'day Mike, well the answer to that is simple. Stands to reason. It's the bloody Muslims isn't it."

"Muslims Bob? Can you perhaps explain a bit more?"

"You mark my words, every time they get down on a prayer mat they pray for Allah to send storms and flooding. That's why they wear those towels on their heads - so they can dry themselves off while us poor Christians drip all over the wife's new carpet. In my day we had sun all the time. Every day was sunny. Not any more. Not since we let all these radical extremists into the country. Send them back home where they came from - and I don't mean Wagga!"

"But Bob, many Muslims are born here. They are Australians"

"Listen Mike, just because they are born here doesn't give them any right to call themselves Australian. Have you ever seen a Muslim eat a meat pie and sink two cold ones in five minutes while scratching his balls and belching? Course not - that's because they don't embrace our culture!. One of the cheeky sods even accused me of being a foreigner! I ask you!"

"But Bob, you cam here in 1959 as a migrant - from Bognor".

"But that doesn't make me a foreigner - not like them. Then he had the nerve to tell me - 'I was born here, you came on a boat'"

"Ah you mean like other refugees from other countries?"

"No of course not. That's different isn't it. They are foreign economic refugees - my family just moved here for a better life and better wages"

"But many refugees houses were destroyed in wars and conflicts - you sold yours to the man from the CoOp"

"Listen mate - I keep telling you that's different. Can't compare the two can you? Just because I came here from a different country, doesn't make me a foreigner like them. Another thing - they worship a vengeful God who preaches violence. Us Christians have a loving, all caring God..."

"But he sent floods, plagues and famine - and admits he is a jealous God, who will share his glory with no other."

"Well, we all have our bad days now and then don't we?"

"Just one more question Bob..."

"Sorry - have to dash. I've run out of ciggies. Luckily the Asian shop is open - all the others are closed for the public holiday."

"But that was yesterday Bob, why are they closed today as well?"

"What sort of a daft question is that? Ere - you're not a bloody foreigner are you mate?"

"No Bob. Just foreign to you."


Wherever you may be - be safe

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