23 February 2010

The Mobile Phone Waltz

This afternoon I realized there was a chance for me to become famous, (perhaps I should be posh and say I saw a "window of opportunity") and take my place amongst some of the world's greatest song lyricists, (which is a lot easier for me to spell than to say it without my false teeth!).

We have had, "The Skaters Waltz" and "Tennessee Waltz" (which is easier for me to say than to spell), "The Anniversary Waltz" and heck knows how many other waltzes. My contribution to such musical gems would be, "The Mobile Phone Users Waltz".

You see them in any outdoor setting - usually testosterone charged males trying to prove to complete strangers, that they are somehow indispensable. Mobile phone in hand, they initially wander around in defined circles that gradually deteriorate into something resembling a Saturday night drunk trying to navigate their way across a dance floor to get to the bar.

The Waltzers are not only oblivious to empty seats or convenient places for them to park their bums, but also to other people - pedestrians and poor sods who have just sat down for a moments peace, to immediately have some plonker dance around in front of them saying, "Can you send me an email and I will check when I get back". Actually, they can check everything when they get back.

This afternoon I sat down in a little square shaped park with several benches, when a Mobile Phone Waltzer appeared and began to waltz his way around the park - taking up the whole area and disturbing the quiet atmosphere with a call related to something he was too inefficient and badly organized to attend to within the workplace - which is the only place apart from bars and restaurants, where business should be conducted.

Others who wanted to use the park were deterred by his presence and sought other places of refuge. Personally I just shut him out of "my space" which seemed to cause him to look rather rejected. He wanted to be noticed. He kept looking at me like a little kid who had just given his mum a crap drawing to put on the fridge, then realized that the look on her face didn't quite match the, "That's nice dear" that came forth from her lips.

When mobile phones first came out I once sat in another park in the city - the place where all the businessmen express their individuality by all wearing the same suit and color shirt. I must admit I was rather inconsiderate. I sat on a bench fully aware that a Mobile Phone Waltzer had already claimed another nearby bench. He looked across and informed me, 'Excuse me mate, but this call is rather private". His call may have been private but my response was not. Using all my well known diplomacy skills and charm, I told him to "sod off," then advised him how I could dispose of his phone in an environmentally friendly location, which just happened to be the same place he was talking through.

Recently I have noticed kids doing the same waltz. The other day walking through the shopping plaza, a little lad about seven was waltzing around in circles, phone in hand while mum sat on a bench, unconvincingly pretending not to be listening.

Actually, I don't mind kids doing that. If they are doing the Mobile Phone Waltz it means that they aren't running around all over the place or darting from left field on little silver scooters that leave unsuspecting pedestrians lying on the floor clutching their leg, telling an apologetic mum, "Its ok..no damage done....aaaagh!"

Wherever you may be - be safe

Copyright Mike Hitchen Online, Lane Cove, NSW, Australia. All rights reserved