18 May 2010

Hitchen on wind farms

I have been thinking about two major environmental problems - and have come up with solutions to both!

Britain has embraced the concept of wind farms, with such facilities being erected all around the coast. Wind farms are a great idea, but they have one serious intrinsic obstacle to efficiency. They rely on - wind. Mother nature is not consistent so there will be periods where lack of wind has a negative effect on their efficiency.

I have overcome that problem by coming up with a new design for wind farms powered by - electricity!

Which brings me on to the second problem. Once these electrically driven wind farms are in place, they can can be rotated to point in other directions. The sails will have different speed settings - 'Slow, fast, faster, and "hang on to your skirts girls it's going to be a bumpy ride." Turn the sails around, flick the lever to the fastest setting - then blow the ash cloud back to Iceland where it belongs! That would serve them right for their banking system, and having unpronounceable volcanoes that stop baggage handlers accidentally on purpose losing your bags.

I really should be recruited by some sort of think tank! Even better, I still have my British passport, I could solve the Comdem-Nation's problems by setting myself up as "Leader In Exile."

When one thinks about it, being a "Leader In Exile" is not a bad job if you are so inclined. It is highly profitable (I have never seen a Leader In Exile with their ass hanging out of their trousers eating in a soup kitchen), you get to be slapped on the back by the world's movers and shakers, free tickets to Bono concerts (that is one drawback I must admit), and can become famous in safety while the poor bastards back home shouting your name, are getting their toe nails ripped out.

Then, when all the hard work is done, the dead are buried, the hearts of mothers broken beyond repair, you can return home, be feted and praised - and carry on where the previous buggers left off.

Only the names of the singers change, the song remains the same.

Wherever you may be - be safe
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